Nothing ruins a nice relaxing trip to Camp Crystal Lake on Friday the 13th like the abrupt intrusion of that hulking wall of undead flesh known as Jason Voorhees. That hockey mask wearing hooligan has been ruining everyone’s fun for years, and here at Battery Junction we think it’s about time to put that masked meat-bag down for good. If we’re gonna survive his unstoppable onslaught, we’re gonna have to get to know our enemy.
While Voorhees uses a multitude of clever ways to dispatch unsuspecting teenagers, his most iconic weapon of choice is a trusty machete. The SOG SOGFari Machete is a great all around utility tool that can be used for chopping through thick forest or jungle greenery, or alternatively through human flesh and bone. If you can manage to pry this high quality cutting instrument from Jason’s unearthly grip, you’ve got a good chance to turn the tables on the campground killer.
Let’s talk about your own equipment that will help you survive in the event that a drowned man is resurrected to take vengeance on humanity. You can’t be stumbling around in the dark woods, that’s just asking to get captured and skewered by the masked menace. There’s no better way to light your way hands free than the Fenix HL30, a powerful headlamp that runs on easy to find AA batteries. Lets see that waterlogged weirdo get a hold of you now!
One of the cardinal sins in a survival horror situation is to get separated from your group, but let’s face it: It’s gonna happen. For improved visibility on the spooky outskirts of camp crystal lake, equip yourself with some of the Titanium Innovations Safety Belts, brightly neon color accessories that let your friends know “I’m over here he’s right behind me RUN RUN RUN!”.
You’re on the run, and that mud-toed murderer is right behind you ready to inflict all kinds of pain. Time to shine some light on the situation with the Fenix FD40, a light that is bright, powerful and easy to use in these high stress situations. Try blasting Voorhees in the face with a 1000 lumen strobe mode, or if push comes to shove chuck it at his big dumb face. The aircraft grade aluminum body will keep the light intact for later use, you know, if you survive long enough to come back for it.
Ok, no more mister nice camper. At a certain point you can’t keep running and you’ve got to turn around and light that hatchet-wielding hulk on fire. But you’re gonna need the UST Wetfire Fire Starter to get that goose cooking, cause that soggy slasher is still fresh out of the lake. This probably won’t kill him, but it’ll slow him down until you can find a way to knock his block off for the last time.
You’ve done it! You’ve found some way to knock down that big brute and it looks like he’s not getting back up. Time to calmly walk away from this nightmare, right? WRONG. He ALWAYS gets back up, you’re gonna have to go back and finish the job. And nothing gets the job done like Powersonic Sealed Lead Acid Batteries, heavy duty power sources for home and industrial use. Heave that big heavy (and leak-proof) battery over your head and bring it right down on that masked clown’s melon.
Phew, looks like you’ve mastered survival horror and made it through Friday the 13th. Sure, Jason will be back in a part 2 and 3 and as a cyborg and all, but you’ve done pretty well, pat yourself on the back! With all these great products at your disposal, you might even be ready for the next nightmare:
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